I'm Sorry Ch 1
by lilg7
Summary: Every day I see him, he has a new scar, and I know it is my fault. I hurt him so much. I sit on our bed and think of how many time I have fallen asleep alone because he is to afraid to come into the room. MattxMello Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

~Mats P.O.V~

I sit down on the couch and put my feet on the coffee table. I pull out my D.S and put in Mario Cart. The rest of the world is drains around me, and my mind is filled with nothing but beating Luigi out of the right to Peach's love. I pound the buttons in my D.S and doge the green shells and racing over water. I push my little animated car faster and faster and jump over a ramp as I hear the door open and slam shut. I decide not to move or look up. I know it is Mello, and I know he is either pissed, frustrated at something, or chocolate deprived. Any one of those plus one bad remark on my end will cause another bad night. They have been really bad lately. For the passed week, the couch I feel so comfortable at right now, has been my bed, and I let Mello sleep off his anger. But when I wake up, he is gone, and when he comes home, he is more pissed then the day before that. He walks up to my legs and punches them roughly. I know it will leave a bruise in the morning, but I don't care.

I love Mello with all my heart. I learned at a young age that he has anger issues. He used to hit the wall at Whammy's, and then one day he did that so many times that he broke his pinky finger on one hand, and he split the knuckle on his other. Ever since then I would be the one to egg him on. I would take his hits so he wouldn't get hurt anymore. I remembered when one day that I wasn't there for him to beat on I came back in the room, his hands were bloody, he was holding his wrist and his arm had dry wall at least half a foot up his arm and he broke down. That was how things went back then. It was simple. He would have a fit, toss me around and then cry about it. But not any more. Now he would toss me around, hit me and treat me like a rag doll and then go to bed. But I know he loves me in a twisted kind of way, so I refuse to leave him.

Today however I know it is going to be bad. Just by the tone of Mello's voice as he says to me, "Get the fuck off my couch and play your damn game some where else!" Tells me that tonight will suck!

I do as he tells me to and I play my game in the kitchen. I wasn't to surprised when I heard him walk in to get a chocolate bar form the fridge. I hear him stomp his feet and slam the door roughly. I can tell several things fall from with in the refrigerator. I sigh audibly and that apparently gets his attention. "If you got something to say, fucking say it Matt!" He yells at me.

"I have nothing to say Mello, I just sighed. I didn't find anything wrong with sighing," I say calmly. I know that he will kill me for that. He is no mood to argue with me, and I know this, but I want to spare the house and him. He will just end up hurting himself.

Almost as if on cue he picks up my game and throws it across the room. "I was playing that," I say to him as I stand up, half way challenging him. He pushes my shoulder roughly and I let my body move with him. I smirk slightly. "Goddamn it Matt! You are so fucking annoying!" he says as he punches me in my gut and tosses me away to the side. I clench my teeth as I hit the wall roughly. I feel my head whip back and forth. I swear one day he is gonna give me whiplash. I try to stand up but I feel him put his boot on my shoulder. "Do not ever challenge me again Matt!'

I cough before saying "I am sure that is wasn't a challenge, but-" I was cut off by a stern punch to my face. I fall to the ground and hiss through my teeth. I feel the throbbing pain in my cheek, and try to fix the rough pain in my jaw without any sudden movements. I let my body fall limp and I wait for him to make his move. I think he has calmed down enough to kick me one last time before storming off into the room. I Pick my self off the floor and watch the temperamental blond walk off. I flash a small smile his way. What ever is eating him, it must be pretty bad. He hit me unusually hard this time around. I wait until he leaves the room to get some ice and put it on my cheek.

~Mello's P.O.V~

I hate Near so much! That albino snow child keeps sending me challenges! Then I come right behind him and that snotty little brat tries to rub it in! Then I get back to the mob base and have to deal with Snyder. "ah boss, that kid whooped your ass, you gonna let him get away with it?" On top of that the D.J at the club I had to pick the protection money from gave me a hard time! The dumb ass tried to toss me out of the bar cause I'm not 21! Basterd punched me! When I went to punch back, four huge bouncers hurled me out of the club! Then Scar walked up and told me that it wasn't my fault that I fail at everything I do, I just need more practice!

On top of all this when I get home, Matt tries me! But now that I am alone and in my room with a chocolate bar in my stomach I realize that Matt didn't really challenge me, he just wanted to help me loose some of this pent up anger. He does that when I have bad days. He lets me take my anger out him. I can't remember when it started, but he has done that for a while now. And every day I see him, he has a new scar, and I know it is my fault. I hurt him so much. I sit on our bed and think of how many time I have fallen asleep alone because he is to afraid to come into the room on a bad night. I look down at my empty chocolate wrapper and feel tears enter the brink of my eyes. I hate the thought that Matt is to afraid of me to come sleep in his own bed. But I quickly wipe the tears away and get up to get another chocolate bar.

I open the door to the room and walk through the living room. Matt isn't on the couch. I glide my hand over his vest that is draped over the couch. I let a small smile cross my face. I am not mad anymore and I really want to apologize. I want Matt to come to bed with me tonight. I stand on the outside of the kitchen ready to talk to him, but when I walk in, I can't find him. I scan the kitchen as if he would magically appear in the corner. I decide not to call out his name. I open the fridge and see a chocolate bar with a small note around it. I pick it up and read it:

"Hey Mel, I went to take a walk to Game Stop to get my D.S fixed. The screen cracked and I can't see my track. I'll be back later. Love you." with a smiley face at the end of his note.

I give a sad smile to nothing at all then take the chocolate bar and treasure the first neutral words passed between us all week. The saddest part is, it is in a note. I walk back to the room and get in my long sleeved cotton bed shirt and sweat pants. I craw into bed with a heavy sigh. I put the phone next to my head, hoping praying that Matt would text me, even though I know he wont. I roll over and go to close my eyes and before I know it, I am asleep.

~Matt's P.O.V~

I walk out of game stop with an entirely new D.S and three new games and a new computer. I smile as I play guitar hero for D.S and walk back to the apartment. A cigarette is burning form my mouth as I expertly hit all the notes. I stop at the cross section. My apartment isn't that far away so I let the cars go first so I can finish the third song. I put the roach out on the pole next to me and suddenly feel the craving for another cigarette. I pull me out an empty pack. I sigh heavily and turn around. I go into the jiffy store and walk around. I am looking for the chocolate. I should start sucking up to Mello. He has the day off tomorrow. I want to make a good day, not so stressful. I pick a box of dove and take a Russell Stover box too. He loves this kind but he doesn't feel like buying chocolate by the box each time. It is more cost and time efficient to have the chocolate bars.

I take the sweets to the counter and pay for them. I ask the clerk for a pack of Camels. "You got a girl friend you need to please?" The clerk asks me. To be totally honest, the clerk wasn't bad looking. She has a brown pixy cut with deep red highlights and a sweet face. Her skin told the story of pure innocent, but her bright hazel eyes hold a deep mystery under the glossy look. I just smile it off and say, "Yeah. I love her to much to keep her mad."

The clerk laughs as she hands me my cigarettes and I reach in my pocket to pay her. "What did you do to make her mad?" She asks me as I hand her a twenty. "That's the thing. I have no clue." I tell her shrugging and putting my wallet away.

Just as I finish talking this guy walks into the corner store and holds a gun to the clerk. He tells her to get the money from the register and put it in a bag that he tosses her. I take a step back slightly in worry, and slightly in pure adrenalin until I see the gun is off safety. I have lived with Mello to know that guns that do not have a safety lock on are dangerous! "whoa, Dude put the gun down. You don't want arm robbery to be murder do you?" I say putting my hands up in the air.

The robber whips around and points the gun at me. I try to tell him to at least put the thing on safety until he is ready to use it. He yells at me and throws the muzzle around carelessly. I feel the fear rise in me as I watch his finger for dear life. It reminded me of the first time Mello pointed his gun at me. The only difference was that I trusted Mello not to shoot me, and if he did, I trusted him to at least spare my life. But not this whack job. I feel my heart pounding harder then Mello's fist on bare flesh. I try to calm my breathing until I hear a loud bang and the sharp scream from the clerk. I feel a bullet tear through my side. I let out a silent scream as I fall to the cold hard floor.

The crook was just as afraid as the clerk who ran from around the counter and straight to my side yelling the obvious conclusion, "Oh my god! You shot him! You really just shot him!" I grip my side and writhe in pain as the culprit runs out of the store and down the street. The clerk calls for help and a hospital as I drift out of consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

~Mello's P.O.V~

I wake up to the sound birds at my window and the sun filling the room with its golden rays. I roll over hoping to see matt next to me. Sadly it is an empty bed once again. I get up and I get my vest and my boots on. I doubt Matt is even awake. I walk out to the living room to see his vest still over the couch and no Matt underneath. I tilt my head and look through the house. I can't find any trace of him ever coming home last night. I look for a note, for shoe treads, for a new game, D.S, game console anything that tells me Matt is here. I look around frantically until I decide to sit it out. Matt will come back when he feels comfortable enough to be around me I guess.

I wait on the couch eating a chocolate bar. I spend twenty minutes eating chocolate on the couch then I get up and pace the living room. I don't like this feeling. What if matt really left me this time? What if I pushed him to far? I curl my self into a ball by the door and start to think the worst. I pull my knees to my chest and pull my cell phone out of my pocket. I go through all the texts he sent me. All the times he said I love you to me, all the pictures he let me take. Then my mind drifts to last night. I didn't even apologize to him. I clenched my phone tightly and I felt the tears run down my cheek. I cried into my knees, crying out his name, wanting him to back to me, if only for one more day, to at least say good bye to him.

I Cry and beg for forgives from God, from Matt and even myself. How could I let the best thing in my life slip away from me without stopping it, was I really to blind to see the pain I caused him. I got up and wiped my tears. I walked over to his vest and folded it neatly and put it away in the closet with his others. Where ever he is, I hope that at the very least he thinks of our good times together as great times. I hope I am not just one big monster to him. I decide to lay down back in bed with three more chocolate bars, and the last note I ever got from Matt, the last time we stood on the same ground. I curl in a ball and hug Matt's old pillow for dear life as I say a prayer for Matt's over all happiness, even if it is not with me.

~Matt's P.O.V~

I woke up late last night. Some where around 3:30 or so. I thought about texting Mello, let him know that everything is all right, I got my new game and I just ended up in the hospital, but I figure that would make him more mad, and then when I get home I would have to answer to a mad Mello. So I decided to keep quite. The Clerk came to see me though, I found out her name is Anna-Bell. She didn't get hurt during the scrap with the crook (who was caught late last night) and that is good I guess.

"So did you get a hold of your girl friend?" she asks me as she hands me my merchandise from the store last night. I shake my head no and accept the gifts I bought myself. "Well don't you think you should?" she raises an eye brow at me skeptically.

I laugh slightly. "Who do you think you are? My mother?" I ask jokingly. She chuckles a bit until I hear the best thing ever! I hear a small snort come out of her. She blushes and tries to play it off. I start to laughing even harder. Suddenly a sharp pain hit the spot were I got shot. My laughter finds it's way to morph into: "Owe, owe, owe, owe!"

She rolls her eyes and takes my phone out of my pocket. Since I am in the hospital robes my jeans were across the room. The outfit makes me feel exposed, vulnerable. "what is you're girlfriends name, I am going to call her," Anna-Bell says as she goes through my contacts. "well now would be the best time to tell you that my girl friend isn't a girl," I say. Mello hates it when I talk about our relationship to strangers. Just another strike added to my list of things to be yelled at tonight.

Anna-Bell doesn't even flinch at the fact that I'm gay and buying candy for my temperamental boyfriend. All she says is, "And his name is?" I smile and roll my eyes. I decide to let her call him. She might be able to keep him calmer then me at the moment. I haven't had a cigarette in hours, my new games are broken, and lord knows where my new computer got off to! She dials his number and I am tempted to warn her about his temper, but then I shut up cause I hear the phone start to ring.

~Mello's P.O.V~

I am curled in a ball crying on Matt's pillow, knowing that my last chance was out the window, terrified Matt will never come back until I hear my phone ring. I pick it up thinking it is Snyder or Scar or god forbid Near. "What now?" I say with a slightly angry tone. I'm not in the mood for any one's bullshit. Then I hear an unfamiliar voice on the other end. "Um hi, my Name is Anna-Bell. I am calling on the be half of your Boyfriend."

My heart literally skipped a beat. I can't tell if she is being an ass, or if she is really calling me because of Matt. And if she is, then why the Hell can't Matt just pick up the damn phone and talk! "what do you mean? What's going on?" I try to hide the fear that is plainly in my voice. I dry my tears and hope for the best.

"Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but um…" She pauses and my heart sinks. What kind of a bitch would cut off mid sentence like that! "Well, He stopped by my store to pick up some things and there was this incident and he took a bullet to the side. I am really sorry," Anna- Bell says to me. I feel my jaw start to quiver. I don't really know what is worse. Loosing him because he hates me, or some one killing him because you got mad and broke his D.S. I try to hold my tears in, I refuse to cry, not with some stranger on the other line. I hear a voice call out from the background, "Don't make it sound like I died! Didn't you ever take sensitivity classes?" It is Matt.

I feel pure joy raise up in me. I hang up the phone and jump on my bike and drive to the hospital as fast as I can. The rest of the world is a blur, and I could care less about the horns that keep yelling at me. I will see Matt, alive, I will apologize, and I will make this right!

~Matt's P.O.V~

Well the good news is, Mello didn't sound mad, the bad news is, I made his day shitty. Well At least I have chocolate for him. Anna- bell hasn't left yet. She is concerned with any "Post traumatic stress" I might have. I kinda wanted to tell her my whole life has been post traumatic stress. She asks me questions about Mello and how we met. She is kinda cool, and sweet, but my mind is with Mello. I miss him. And not the "him" I have seen all week, but the real Mello. The one with the twisted humor and sweet laugh coated by a winning smile.

I only had to wait five minutes before I turn and look out the window to see Mello storming in. The nurse was saying something about only one in the room at a time and I don't need any added stress to my injury. But like every thing else he does, he doesn't listen to her. He turns to her and tells her to fuck off. I sigh knowing that he is mad again. I roll my eyes. I want to know what the source of his anger is so I can help him.

He walks into my room he puts his hands on his hips noticing Anna-Bell. "What the hell Matt?" He asks me. His face tells a story of anger but his eyes are shouting concern. I don't know which one to listen too. "I love you Mello," I say with a smile. He glares at Anna- Bell. As if telling her to leave. She must have understood cause she got up. "Well it is nice to meet you Mello," She held out her hand for him to shake, but he just stares at her. She smiles and walks out.

Mello's cold face turned into a frown once Anna-Bell was out of sight. I tilt my head at him. He walks over to the edge of my bed punches my shoulder lightly several times. His punches didn't hurt at all. They have no strength to them. He falls to his knees and clenches my blanket. He looks like he is about to cry. I wrap my arm around his shoulders. "what's wrong?" I ask him. I wait until he is composed to before he speaks. "I- I thought you were gone" he tells me.

I give him a sad smile and lean my head to him. "what you think one bullet will take me out?" I tell him as I skim my hands up and down his back. "well, I know that now, Matt… But… but" Mello says as he starts crying on my bed. "Hey Mel, I'm okay. You know I will come back home. No matter what happens. We will always be together, Mello." I look at him and smile. I run my fingers through his perfect blonde hair.

"But why? I do nothing but cause you pain, and you do nothing but love me" His voice comes out between sobs. I looks down to him. How can he think I would just leave him. Does he think I am that cruel? I sit up on my elbow and lift his chin up to me. "Mello, I don't care about that. I was lost with out you once, and when I found you in the burning mafia base, I was afraid. Why would I leave you and make that pain a constant in my life. why would I make myself suffer like that when I can stop it?" I ask him starring into his eyes. My goggles are off and across the room, so I can see everything. I can see the tears in his on his cheek, and the fear driven into his eye.

~Mello's P.O.V~

Matt Looks like an angel at this moment. The sun is behind him and his hair is falling in the right place. Seeing him now, and hearing his voice tell me things I want to hear, and him comforting me, this is the Matt I fell in love with, the open minded, amazing, and welcoming person he is. I give him a smile and sniffle like a little kid. He meets my smile and runs his thumb over my cheek. I lean into his hand and say to him, "I promise I wont hurt you again. I am sorry Matt."

He shakes his head. "Don't make that promise to me," he says. That just flat out confuses me. I give him a silent look as if asking why. "In my own sick way, I know it helps you in the long run. You wont hurt your co-workers, and you wont go to jail for murder if you come home and get it out. It is my way of asking what is wrong I guess." He just simply shrugs at me.

I can't help but to chuckle. I love the way he thinks. It is so complex and only he can understand it. "What ever," I say as I gently push his head to the other way jokingly. He turns back around, leans up and gives me a kiss. It is sweet short and simple. I Smile and blush slightly. It has been a long week with out the feeling he gives me. I feel like a small kid back at the whammy's when he kissed me for the first time. I have the same feeling, the same butterflies, the same blush, the same lust for another one.

That feeling goes away and is replaced covetousness when I saw two boxes of chocolate next to his bed. I raise an eyebrow at him and point to the boxes of chocolate, "And did that Anna chick give them to you?" I ask him with my normal suspicion. He starts to laugh softly before speaking with heavy sarcasm, "Yes Mello, I flirt with every girl that has a remotely attractive body and yes Mello they always give me chocolates and cigarettes."

I stand up and place my hands on my hips and cock them to one side threateningly. "Matt…" I say with a growl in my voice. Matt just smiles and starts to laugh a bit harder. "No Mello, I bought them last night at the jiffy store," he says as he reaches over and grabs the box of Russell Stover, "I got them for you, and I was gonna like put them on the door with a cute little note telling you I love you, but I guess this works. Happy day off Mello."

My face lights up with a smile and I must look like a little kid at the moment because Matt starts to laugh again gives one of his most amazing smiles ever. I take the box and leans down and kiss him sweetly on the lips.

~Matt's P.O.V~

I am glad Mello is happy now. I am also glad we are back to normal again. I really wanted to see him smile again, and I got my wish. It might not be the most perfect day off, considering the fact I got shot last night, he was crying (Which is rare for him) and the fact that we are held up in the hospital all day, but it is still good. He is sitting on my hospital bed talking about anything and everything. He is laughing and playing along with my stupidity. We have our really sweet moments were he leans in real close and whispers something sweet and romantic that makes me blush and hide my face in the pillow.

Mello eats his chocolate and even feeds me one form time to time. I see Anna-Bell appear around the corner. I give her a smile and nod in gratitude. She smiles and waves to me before she leaves back to her corner store. Like I said, maybe not the perfect day off, but with Mello on my lap smiling and laughing with me, so I guess it is pretty good


End file.
